Say "NO" to Cell Phones on Airplanes!

One the worst ideas that the airlines have come up with is allowing passengers to use cell phones during flight. While I agree with the use of laptops (I use one myself), and the further development of internet access during flight, I cannot fathom cell phone calls while airborne. It's bad enough having to hear people in the boarding areas, but please, no cell phones in flight.

I am not anti cell phone. I am a 1500 to 2000 minute per month guy who also text messages and browses the internet. My being against the use of cell phones in flight also has nothing to do with the "use of portable electronic devices interfering with an airplanes navigation or electrical system". In fact, there has not been a proven case of a "portable electronic device" doing anything to upset the aircraft or navigation system. My being against it is purely out of wanting to stay sane while being a captive audience flying in a cramped tube with no legroom or comforts whatsoever.

If allowed, here are five types of passengers you could be exposed to in flight:

The Big Deal Guy - That's the loud mouth businessman trying to impress the people around him, especially the hottie in the next seat. He's talking about "The Big Deal". You know, the one worth billions of dollars that he is about to close, the one that's going to make him richer than rich, the one that's so secret that if word got out, it could quash the deal or he could be in trouble with the SEC. You know, the one he should not be talking about on an airplane.

The Yenta - That's the woman who can't stop talking about her illnesses, or the illnesses of everyone she knows. The one who thinks that the world would be a better place if everyone just listened to her. And let's not even get into the children not calling, the grandchildren she doesn't see...

The Casanova - That's the young guy who has to talk about his sexual exploits, usually in great detail, and who is most likely the biggest liar (smallest you-know-what) on the airplane. He "knows" women and will will be glad to share his views with all. 

The Daughter - Okay my daughter. The one who will talk and talk about absolutely nothing, for hours on end, in a slang language that is based on the ancient gibberish dialect. If I can't drive more than 10 minutes in the car with her on the cell phone, how can I in good conscious allow a fellow human being to endure it for hours at a time.

The Gossip - Slightly different than the Yenta. This is the one, man or woman, who will talk about everyone else they know, use first and last names, and not give a second thought to the private details of te persons life that is now public information. They will talk louder than they have to and in an uppity nasal tone that could only be tolerable if you were watching an episode of Coffee Talk. 

As much peace and quiet as possible on an airplane is all I am asking, hoping, and wanting. It's not much considering the airlines have already taken away service with a smile, clean airplanes, food, etc.


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