All I Wanted Was an Anniversary Card

Not a daunting task you say…well have I got news for you. All I wanted was one serious anniversary card and one funny anniversary card so I recently spent my entire lunch break at the store trying to pick the right cards. Though there was huge selections to chose from, finding the right card with the perfect words is nearly impossible.

To start off, here are some lessons I learned early on in our marriage regarding card buying that usually help me in the selection process:

1.  Always give a card for: Birthday, Anniversary, Valentines Day, Mothers Day, and Christmas (boy, the ONE time you forget…).
2. Always give a serious card (or you will hear about it).
3. Never give only a funny card (boy did I learn this the hard way).
4. It is okay to give one serious and one funny (my bases are covered).
5. Try to limit the number of pop-up cards given (there is a limit to pop-out lips).
6. Always remember the past five years of cards so you don’t give a repeat (guilty as charged).

So I am trying to pick out a serious card and have to start narrowing down the choices. I first eliminated cards that have:

Sparkles (get all over everything).
Ribbons/bows (don’t fit in an envelope too well).
Charms (it’s a card, not a Cracker Jacks box).
Frosted plastic covers (it’s a card, not framed artwork to go on the bed stand).

Once I got the outside narrowed down, it was on to reading the “message”. Why do the majority of the cards have the man apologizing for doing something? To all you card writers out there, enough with the apologies. When I buy a card, I want my wife to know that I LOVE her, not that I am apologizing for:

Not remembering… – I have a good memory.
Not forgetting… – again, I have a good memory.
Not always saying… – I speak what’s on my mind.
Not always showing – I show.
Not always doing… – I also work my butt off.
Not being perfect… – I am as close as I can be.

Next was trying to pick a funny card. I just wanted a little humor to go along with the serious card. Though it was a little easier selecting this one, there are not as many choices as there once were. Funny cards may contain some or all of the following, which I do not believe are funny anymore:

Slobs – I pick up after myself (okay, I don’t dust or vacuum).
Remote Controls – I lost that battle long ago.
Farting – Hey, I’m a guy.
Handyman – I know my way around a toolbox.
Driving – I can read a map, ask for directions, and have no points on my license.
Cooking – She cooks inside + I cook outside = no food fights.

So I finally picked out the two cards and now had to try and find the envelope that goes with each card.

I can’t wait to do it all over again on Mother’s Day.


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