7 Reasons My Mother-in-Law Should Not Visit

Sitting at home, watching some TV, and just about to doze off, the phone rings, my wife answers, her face gets sullen. She goes into the bedroom to talk in private. Fifteen minutes later, the bedroom door opens and my wife emerges. Pale and hunched over with a sad look on her face, I ask my wife if someone died. She takes a deep breath and then she utters the worst words I could ever hear…your mother-in-law is coming for a visit.

Here are 7 reasons why I am not looking forward to my Mother-in-Law's visit.

7. She TALKS without thinking. You never know what dumb comment will come from her mouth. Like the time she told my wife’s friend, while a group of them were at a store shopping, that the shirt she was looking at will not fit well because she has no boobs.

6. She is LAZY and sits around all day and watches television shows that no one else in the house has an interest in viewing. We give her the guest room with her own television, but MIL wants to be with the family, and then complains when we change the channel. Which, I might add, I do on a regular basis just to piss her off.

5. She is DIRTY. The guest room has its own bathroom. No waiting. She will only shower every few days and will wear her clothes more than once if my wife didn’t sneak in, grab her clothes pile, and put it in the wash. MIL then gets upset because my wide did not fold them correctly. Hey…they are CLEAN. We also throw out the sheets, pillows, and blanket after she leaves.

4. She is CHEAP. Granted she is on a fixed income, and to her credit, she has no debt. Her last visit consisted of 11 days and only once did she open her purse to buy food while we were out. It was 10:45 PM, after a hockey game, and she offered to pay the $4.64 for my sons snack at the drive thru. Of course I took her up on the offer and, at the window, added a large fries and shake, on her. She could stretch a dollar farther than a football field.

3. She SNORES. I don’t mean a little snore. I mean thunder and lightening, heaven is about to open up, and the storm of the century is approaching. Sleeping on the farthest side of the house from my bedroom, my MIL has woken me, and my dog, up from her snoring.

2. She dresses like a SLOB. There is no reason a woman of her means should dress like a sitcom grandma from the 80’s. At least she won’t have to pack much since we already have a collection of items that we have found after her previous visits. Those items include: Socks – we throw out the ones with holes. Bras – usually found under the mattress or behind the couch. T-shirts sized XXL– we usually throw out the food stained shirts. Shoe – Yes, singular. Maybe MIL will visit with the other one.

1. She FARTS. Constantly. From when she gets up in the morning until she drags her big butt to bed at night. Doesn’t matter what she eats, she farts. She sleeps, she farts. She get up off the couch, she farts. She walks, she farts.

If you are wondering why I did not mention her EATING habits, please read: Mother-In-Law versus Dog






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