All I Wanted was a Pair of Jeans
All I Wanted was a Pair of Jeans
The Old Jeans
Old, faded, worn out, holes in the pockets, holes in the knees, holes in the butt, drooping, frayed at the bottom, frayed around the pockets, refuse to shrink, always stretch, hanging low, boxers showing.
The Owner
Me (and you thought it was my teenage son).
Off to the Mall
After my better half hit me with the "you need a new jeans and I will not be seen with you wearing that old crap anymore", it was off to the mall I went. I knew it was time to retire my old pairs of jeans, and I knew I should have replaced them sooner (like 5 years ago), but I knew it was not going to be easy to find a pair of jeans.
I am well (well, well) beyond my Jordache days and I was just looking for a pair of regular Levi's like I used to wear. I was not prepared for what I encountered at the local mall. The plan was to go to one or two stores, get the jeans, grab a bite to eat, and go home. Yeah...like that happened. All I wanted was a pair of jeans.
Here were my choices:
Type of Wash
Aged Blue Wash, Medium Wash, Vintage Wash, Dark Blue Wash, Acid Wash, Lightweight Wash, Resin Rinse (Wash?), Tumbled Wash, Textured Worn, and my favorite, Tied to the Back of a Pickup and Dragged Around for a While.
Type of Fit
Chino Fit, Tapered Fit, Standard Fit, Loose Fit, Boot Fit, Low Rise Boot Fit, Easy Fit, Slim Straight Fit, Low Rise Fit, Toland Fit, Hayes Fit, Relaxed Fit, Carpenter Fit, Baggy Fit, Boot Fit, Low Loose Fit, Original Fit, Comfort Fit, Shrink To Fit, True Boot Fit, Button Loop Fit, Slouch Skinny Fit, Twisted Driller Fit, Low Rise Flare Fit, Texas Low Rise Fit, Snoop Droopy Drawers Fit.
Type of Color
Dark Blue, Dark Rinse, Medium Tint, Dark Wash, Stone Wash, Sandblasted Grey, Dark Stone, Black, White, Khaki, Medium Atlantic, Canvas, Overboard, Shaker, Grey Down, Fader, Coast, Clear Coated (Nude?), Dark haze, Global Blue, Iconic Black, Light Horizon, Iconic, Selvedge, Union Blue, Steeler, Indie Blue, Pepper Prewash, Quartz Stone, Antique, Bronze, Leather Brown, Tarmac, Granite, Dark Stone, Medium Stone, Classic Stone, Double Black, Lead, Worn Stone, Original Stone.
Now we still haven't even seen if they have my size. I walked out of store after store in frustration. Where was the section for "jeans". I remember when pre-wash came out and I did not have to wash my jeans 30 times before wearing them. It used to take a full school year just to get them to fade.
So I went home empty handed, but with the promise from my wife that she would go out alone and get me new pants.
All I wanted was a pair of jeans.
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Don't feel like the Lone Ranger.
Try being a female over *ahem* 25. (Yeah. Let's just say 25.) All you can find are low-riders; not a single pair of jeans that rise above the rounded part of your tummy just below your navel.
Some of us, as we get older, are no longer bone-thin with a concave gut.
I think these jeans are some kind of conspiracy to make us look like old men with beer guts hanging over their belt buckles!
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I, and my wife for sure, definitely agree that women have a harder time than men finding a pair of normal jeans. I hear it all the time from my better half and my 21 yo daughter.
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