One Roll at a Time
One Roll at a Time
It was a nice quiet morning,
All through the house,
With neither the dog nor cat stirring,
And no one else about.
So I rise off my chair,
To get a second cup,
When the urge to go comes upon me,
And off to the nearest bathroom I strut.
Yeah, that’s right; the so-called poem ends with no toilet paper. My son’s bathroom is empty once again.
Flashback: I grew up in a small house, six people, one bathroom. My mother did all the shopping and the one thing we never, never ever, never ever ever, ran out of was toilet paper. It even spurred an argument between my mother and father when he complained that the 47 rolls of toilet paper were taking up too much room in the closet. Mom won the argument with “then wipe your butt with your hand”.
So all through my growing years, moves away from home, marriage, and house ownership, toilet paper was never an issue…until you have kids.
My wife and I have lived in several houses. As the kids grew, so did the number of bathrooms. We went from 1 1/2, to 2.0, to 2.5, and now have 3.0 bathrooms. There is one in the master bedroom, one in my daughter’s bedroom, and the main house bathroom, which my son claims as his. So why is it that the kids are always running out of toilet paper?
It is not a question of going shopping, it is not a question of buying enough, and it is not a question of stocking the cabinets. When she shops, my wife buys enough to paper every house in the neighborhood. It is merely a life lesson to the kids to always be able to take care of the basics, like wiping your butt.
Independence. What each kid wants, but only in the area of dressing, going out, and their “time”. As parents, we decided long ago that they will have to manage some of life’s necessities and inform us when they need certain supplies, including toothpaste, soap, hair care products, and of course, toilet paper. My wife does the shopping, but if the kids need something, they are to put it on the kitchen shopping list. Simple.
Yet you wouldn’t believe how many times the rescue alarm is sounded and the siren blares “I need toilet paper”! It is funny to think of them waddling through the house when no one is home and they use the last sheet. I guarantee the pets are laughing.
We can put a four pack, six pack, eight pack, twelve pack, etc., under the sink, it just doesn’t matter. Just to prove a point, after the visit to my son’s bathroom, I did go look in my daughter’s bathroom to see how her supply was looking. Yup, last roll hanging on the holder and no toilet paper on the shopping list. Maybe I should use my mother’s response to my father.
And don’t get me started on flap “over” or flap “under”.
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If it were a matter of access, I'd make a somewhat crude comment about using the litter box.
Usually you can make a point with munchkins by simply allowing consequences to occur. However in this case, there's no telling how this situation would play out if a munchkin needed toilet paper and there was none.
Would they be stuck on the toilet forever or would they simply shrug and pull up their pants anyway? (eeeeuuuuuu!)
If you find a solution to this dilemma, please post.
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I wouldn't exactly call a 21 and 16 year old "munchkins", but sometimes it does apply to the way they don't use their brains.
A few weeks ago there was a story going around about the guy who left his girlfirend sitting on the toilet for 2 years. I wonder if...
Thank you for reading and commenting.
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All this time I thought that gal stuck to the toilet had agorophobia.
The truth comes out, they were out of toilet paper!
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Truly one of the most perplexing phenomena of our time. Almost on par with the Bermuda Dryer/Missing Sock mystery. This is my first visit to your blog, Stewart, but it won't be the last. And, btw, it's flap 'over', hands down!
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I agree. Flap on the outside. Easier to rip off.
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