So My Little Girl Wants to Move Out
So My Little Girl Wants to Move Out
Yup, another one of those discussions. My 21 year old daughter just began working full time and has decided that she will move out of the house in September. This was just the latest in the many episodes (term used due to her drama) of her quest for independence.
I have no problem with her moving out, getting her own apartment, and being financially independent. In fact, I can’t wait for the day because I can sure use the reduction in my bills. But getting her to understand what “financial independence” means is a hard lesson for any young adult to learn and understand.
I may be old fashioned, but I will only pay for one (please add emphasis to “one”) roof over her head, not two. I will also not subsidize her normal expenses if she moves out. I believe that until she can be totally independent financially, she should save her money. Build up a nest egg, emergency account, down payment…wudeva…to be able to deal with the monetary ups and downs she will inevitably see as time passes. Oh, and she can't move in with her boyfriend.
She has no curfew, comes and goes as she pleases, and has no real responsibilities in the house other than her room. She knows she has it good, but that “move out” disease keeps coming back.
To her credit, she has worked since she was 15, but only enough to keep money in her pocket. There was always an excuse, always a reason not to work more, always something. Her savings account in minimal and I will not give her access to the custodial account I have had since she was a baby. The custodial account will remain in my name as a real emergency fund for her or for when she is married and needs a down payment for a house. It will not be used as a slush fund.
My advice to her is to wait until she has at least $10,000 in her savings account and she takes home enough money to pay all her bills. To which her reply was “OMG, that will take forever”. Welcome to the real world, kiddo.
So we went through the usual routine of making a list of her current situation…which is:
Her current expenses:
Clothing (actually about 50/50).
Car loan.
Car insurance.
Car repairs.
Gasoline.
Tanning membership (oh, so important).
General entertainment.
Vacation.
Her current living situation:
Lives at home (no rent payment, her own bedroom and bathroom).
Utilities paid (no gas, electric, telephone, cell phone, cable, or water bills).
Stocked refrigerator (no food bills unless she goes out).
Laundry service (compliments of my better half).
Cleaning service (compliments of my better half).
Toll tag (on my account).
Gym membership (my account).
Health insurance (my company policy).
Next we put dollar amount next to each of the items on the “living situation” list and totaled them up. Her eyes got so big I thought she got hit by a pair of baseballs.
So reality set in…she does not make enough yet to go out on her own, but will be able to save about $950 a month (more if she cuts some of her expenses) and can move out in about a year.
I hope.
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Too funny, at least you are going through this at 18...I have 5 younger brothers and none of them thought about moving out until they were in their 20's.
I think girls are a bit easier.(and not because I am one...well maybe)I like how you walked her through it, very nicely done!
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Are you saying your 21 yr old daughter is a drama queen who never has it good enough, can never make up her mind, and blames you for everything even though you do everything for her despite her constantly treating you like crap? Gee never met one of those before. Well unless you count almost every girl I ever dated or met.
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Thank you for the confirmation. This should be a lesson to all the parents of young ones...the drama never ends.
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One of the best lessons I've ever seen was when a friend's son thought they had money to burn and couldn't understand why they didn't have fancy cars, go out to eat all the time, etc.
The father brought his paycheck home in one dollar bills. He put them in stacks.
He then got out the monthly bills.
One top of each bill, the father and son laid a stack of ones large enough to pay the bill.
When they finished with monthly bills, they divided up the rest for food, gas, incidentals and the monthly portion of larger non-monthly bills such as insurance.
None of that even took into account any savings, emergency funds, clothing, vet bills, etc.
When they were done, the son finally understood why there were very few dollar bills remaining.
Your daughter is probably in for a big surprise when it comes to health and car insurance. I assume her car insurance is part of our policy. It'll probably skyrocket when she gets her own.
Apartments? Does she know they want first and last month's rent as well as a security deposit? Does she have any furniture of her own, kitchen stuff, cleaning supplies, etc etc etc etc etc. All the stuff you need in your own home.
Just a suggestion, but maybe she could start stockpiling things from garage sales and Wal-Mart while she saves the equivalent of food, laundromat, rent and a bit for an emergency fund.
I remember starting out in a horrible little one-bedroom apartment in a so-so neighborhood with really cheap furniture, plastic plates and all the hand-me downs I could get my hands on.
Good luck to her!
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Great comments...thank you...the $1 bill episode is worth its own article.
We've started stockpiling stuff for her over the past few years.
Put aside are: Dishes, silverware, glasses...a good kitchen starter set.
She has her full bedroom furniture.
Also a couch, chair, end tables, lamps, and storage chest.
We are working on dinette set, entertainment unit, and other odds-n-ends.
She should be set once she has the money.
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That's an excellent start.
I remember the first trip to the grocery store to get staples. You know, flour, ketchup, salt, pepper, cooking oil, the list goes on longer than you imagine. The total was a surprise, too.
When I got my first full-time job as a typist for $506 a month (Yeah, it was in 1974 and I had two college degrees, but it paid the bills.), I thought that if I ever made $12,000 a year I'd have it made.
Luckily I'm no longer a typist and my salary has increased, but I've never gotten to the point of having money to burn like I thought I would!
Ah, lessons learned when you become a grown-up.
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Ah man, I've seen this so many time with my niece and nephews, they start earning a few quid for the first time and they reckon they can fly the nest and live the life they do now but with MORE freedom.
Sure they can, but that costs!
I admit I did the same mistake myself, and paid for it for a few years with heavy credit card bills, and I thought I was a sensible guy.
It's great she's taking notice of your advice, but I would wager she'll still not totally learn until she gets a finger or two burned.
Life's lesson!
Nice piece.
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She won't have to worry about waiting 10 years if she keeps using the tanning place. Her risk of skin cancer from that is very high. See new issue of Good Housekeeping for latest skin cancer info.
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How I wish I had this same discussion with my daughter. At 19 she is moving into an apartment this fall instead of staying in the dorms. Her scholarship and tuition funds will pay for the apartment, but she is far from being completely independent. I'm going to show her this post and point out what she is NOT paying for.
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Good luck.
It's a long battle, and hopefully they will begin to understand.
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